Reflections

In at just before 7:30am this morning, that password change thing starts this morning and to be honest I'm not really looking forward to it.  People are coming down to sit with us but this gives me an uneasy feeling as they have seem to have been so critical and negative towards our ability to do this.  There has been a lot of fuss which frankly I am glad not to have been involved in but it seems that they would be glad to see us fail and openly express that.  So in all it does make me nervous.

I am a bit fed up this morning, just feeling a bit low really, there's no particular reason.  I don't really feel like conversation at all, I've just made myself another coffee in an attempt to spark me into action.  I've now taken my first call, it was okay.

My shins and arches are not as painful today I rubbed some more ibrupofen on last night before going to bed and I am not going to run at all this evening which fits it nicely with it being my rest day.  The swollen feeling underneath my shin bones has subsided, I will take some more ibuprofen this evening to hopefully make sure.

I was unable to put the freezer out for collection yesterday unfortunately, the wiring of it is not as straightforward as I thought so I'm going to need someone who knows electrics.   All being well I will put the order in tomorrow or Friday.  The kids have no match on Saturday as the other team have postponed due to players on a school trip so all being well with my legs I will do a 4-5 miler at Vicky Park and then get some more jobs done.  I will try to do a tip run to get rid of some old junk that's hanging about and finish clearing under the stairs, I 've already started by chucking out a few old flat footballs in the normal rubbish.  When I'm under the stairs I have to keep an eye out for pebbles the cat as she keeps sneaking in there and settling down and if I then close the door not realising she's in there, she's stuck in there.  I did also manage to do a bit of the garden I cut down some more of the shrubbery that's near the door and the grid as all the dead leaves etc have blocked it.  I wasn't a particularly pleasant job but at least its done.  The main problem at the moment is all the rain we are having its never dry for long enough for things to dry out. I was intending burning all the debris from the fence panels but its been so wet that I'd don't think they'd catch light now.

My weighed has nudged up a bit to over 8st again.  My eating is still well within the limits I have set myself so I will see what tomorrow brings.  I am hoping if my weight loss continues at a rate of 2lb a week then by the half marathon I should be 7 1/2 stone and I should reach my goal weight in around five weeks time.  But this reduction in eating is hard at times I just want to jack it in I just wish my weight would hurry up and go.  I have to keep saying to myself keep going and think about how faster I will hopefully be able to run.

Day 1 of doing these password changes and its already doing my head in.

Tues 27 Feb 07
Porridge 150
Tea (skimmed milk) x 4 40
Muffin Jam & Butter 300
Salmon, sweetcorn, fine green beans 350
Fruit Salad & Elmlea 240
Blueberry Cakebar 73
Total Calories 1153
Total Calories Calculated 1800
Balance  -647

Well the conservatory panels are in, they came this morning intially to take the old panels and then came back later to fix the newly cut ones, so that's another job done and dusted.

I'd got up about seven thirty as the conservatory people were due at 8:30am, so I made myself busy by tidying, dusting and hoovering downstairs and up. There was heavy rain last night and its coming through the roof again after the roofers had fixed it, so I'll have to contact them again.

I went for a run about eleven, it was only mean't to be an easy jog and it took me 40 mins or so, I was in pain all the way round. I'd thought I'd risk it because I'd swum for half an hour yesterday instead and tomorrow is my rest day. I've rubbed on some ibrupofen cream on the painful areas I just hoping this isn't a long term thing. It rained most of the way round, it wasn't too bad, later it got heavier and now at 15:22 the sun is out and there's some blue sky.

With all the rain, there hasn't been much chance to work on the garden or complete the conservatory woodwork, however, I have sanded down the top of the bathroom sink top so I will get that done before the day is out. Update this job is now completed.

Made weigh in this morning brought good news I am under the 8st mark, I am now 7st 13lb 3/4

I'm a bit concerned and a bit annoyed in a way, my shins are hurting quite a bit. Its come on over the past few weeks to be honest and being like I am I just tend to plough on and ignore pain, I'm just hoping it will fade away, if I'm sensible I should probably stop the running for a bit but I can't guarantee that. I am also feeling a bit weary today, I went to bed early last night because I felt so tired and this morning also I could have easily stayed in bed for longer but I managed to get up and was in work for 7:30am so it wasn't too bad. Thursday is the day I am planning to purchase a new freezer on the internet as Wednesday is pay day. Due to the throbbing and pain in my legs I have made the decision to go swimming instead as this will not make my injury any worse. I can do about 20 lengths in roughly 15 mins so I will aim for around 30-40 which will take approx half an hour. Beforehand I may also pop upstairs to the gym and go on the exercise bike but stay off anything that puts pressure on my lower legs. I know it's an overuse injury but I think its been caused by running on uneven ground more than an increase in distance. I'm trying not to be disappointed but its difficult I shall have to see how I feel tomorrow.

This morning's weigh in registered 8st 1lb 1/4, if I go by that weight that means up till now I have lost 3llb, however, with it being that time, my weight and any subsequent loss could be affected so I shall see what happens this week. I was pretty good generally over the weekend, although I probably ate more than during the week I am also more active so one balances out the other. I am struggling a bit this morning L opposite me is tucking into toast but I must be strong I am hoping to get under the eight stone mark this week.

I didn't really get as much done over my long weekend as I'd intended, I did do half of the conservatory but I didn't make any in roads into the garden. The conservatory people are coming to fix the panels tomorrow so I will be off as they tell me it could be half a day although I probably think that will be unlikely somehow but I'm no expert. I need to make sure I get the freezer out of it's cabinet for collection tomorrow by the council also that old TV that's in the garage but that may be a problem as the garage door in broken so I may not be able to do that. There's a few items which have been on the list for a few weeks now so I need to get them sorted. I got a letter from the Council Tax people over the weekend about coming to survey my house on 7th March between 10am-3pm. Firstly, I was a bit surprised as I got that letter a week or so saying my application was not valid so I don't know what this is all about and secondly, if they want access to my property they will have to come at a more convenient time as I don't really want to take time off to sit at home waiting for when they fancy coming.

To Do List w/c 26 February 2007
Standard Weekly Tasks
Mop floors.
Dust surfaces downstairs and tidy.
Clean & hoover Bathroom
Hoover bedroom and dust and tidy.
Hoover Stairs
Clothes Wash
Shopping

Additional Tasks
Finish cleaning inside of car
Continue clean kitchen - (left: sink cupboard)
Continue to clean out and tidy spare bed room and hoover.
Continue to clear out box room.
Continue to clear and bag up garden waste.
Sort out fall claim.
Get old freezer out of house ready for collection on 27 Feb.
Get old TV out of garage ready for collection on 27 Feb.
Continue to fill holes left by radiator.
Continue to restain outside of conservatory
Restain top of bathroom sink cupboard
Make decision on half marathon and if yes enter on line
Purchase freezer on 1st March.
Post team & ref sheets - Done.
Send letter re council tax - superseded by their letter to survey

Other Tasks
Look into changes for front garden - I have a general idea of what I want.
Sort out rendering
Shop for a new washing machine
Shop for a new oven
Clear out garage
Sort out garden
Sort out bedroom light
Sort out socket
Clear under stairs
Look into getting a gas real fire effect to replace my open fire.
Look into getting new garage door
Look into hiring scaffolding for render work and exterior painting

Sun 25 Feb 07
Muffin with Jam & butter x 2 600
Tea (skimmed milk) x 4 40
Chicken, steamed pots and veg 400
Muller Yogurt Desert 225
Raisin Flapjack 160
Total Calories 1425
Total Calories Calculated 2500
Balance -1075

This morning was a bit more cooler than its been in recent weeks. I parked the car at Pinfold Lane for my usual Sunday run through Ainsdale Nature Reserve, I had managed to get out earlier than I have been doing starting roughly about 9:45am. The plan was to run through to Formby squirrel reserve further down the coast and to continue for a bit before heading back.

Listening to my ipod and a bit of Aerosmith I headed down the firm stony/gravelly paths of the Woodland path that initially follows railway track before vearing away and up to Dobsons Rise and then past the edge of the golf course where the paths started to get a bit muddy and I had to dodge more puddles and now muddy patches. At this stage I was comfortable as I turned right on to the Fishermans Path, here underfoot was softer as the recent rain in the past weeks has taken its toll and lead to path through the pinewoods to turn a little muddy but it was still generally firm and didn't really pose me a problem. Just before the end of the Fishermans path which eventually hops over some sand dunes and onto the beach I took a left onto the now familiar new path that leads to Victoria Road and the squirrel reserve at Formby. Its quite a winding path and once you have tackled the firm grass based trails through the wooded area it opens up onto dunes were the steep dunes with their soft sand saps your energy. I was still going well though and didn't feel the need to stop, I followed the sand trails back into another wooded area and took a left turn on to the Cornerstone Path which comes out on the tarmac road and the National Trust hut at the start of the dune car park and directly opposite the squirrel reserve. I stopped here briefly to check my watch and to change my music to now play random songs from my ipod. I was pleased that I was maintaining a good pace with my watch showing 38:39 mins/secs.

I continued through the squirrel walk and beyond for another 10 or so minutes before I headed back, at Formby Car Park inside the dunes I climbed over the dunes onto the beach to head back northwards. The sand was quite firm today so it wasn't too bad for running on, it looked like the tide had been already in. The legs were holding up quite well and I only stopped to climb back over the dunes to pick up the coastal dune path and then the Fisherman Path at the yellow diamonds that act as waymarkers on the beach. From there it was back the way I came to Pinfold Lane, I was quite pleased with the last leg of the run as I felt quite comfortable and seemed to cover the distance fairly quickly. In all I was running for just under an hour and a half, it was better than the previous run even though it was about 2 1/2 mins longer I had also run further but felt my pace was better.

After a quick bite to eat I popped to B&Q for some more woodstain and then across the other side of the road to Tesco for a couple of bits. At home I did some more of the painting of the conservatory woodwork, it was a bit on the cold side and it looked like it was threatening rain so I decided that was enough today and packed up.
Ciaran my littlest nephew kept popping across and later he came again just as I was making my tea. After checking his parents knew where he was, he wanted to watch a video and as I said that I didn't really have noddy or thomas the tank we returned to his so he could get them. It wasn't long though before his tea was ready and his mum brought it around but unfortunatley for her he wanted to eat it at his house. I then had to carry his thomas cardigan and video for him as his hands were full with the glass of coke he had asked for.

I did the big Sunday weigh in this morning, now I was prepared for the fact I may not get to the 8st milestone but I didn't expect to have increased my weight. I was back to 8st 2lb I can only guess that it may be water retention as yesterday calories in and burned again showed a deficit. So I will keep resolute and see what my weight is tomorrow.

Sat 24 Feb 07
Muffin with Jam & Butter x 2 600
Sweet & Sour Pork with brown rice 350
Fruit Salad & Elmlea 254
Cup of Tea (skimmed milk) 30
Total Calories 1244
Total Calories Burned 2300
Balance -1056
Running Total -7788

Well today was the day of the return match against a team whose manager has spent the past two years trying to pinch our players. You would think that he would operate ethically with the players being children but oh no, he went round trying to get my players, the players which I spent a lot of time and effort developing,in fact 80% of his players originally played for me. So it was with great satisfaction that we beat them this morning. We had lost the first game by one goal and that day our goalkeeper was away. Today was a different story, the team we had rebuilt after he had taken more of our players in the close season showed their quality and determination. The first half ended 0-0, our opponents had strangely opted to play a sweeper, a system that went out in the eighties. All though there was no score the defensive priority of the other team mean't they didn't trouble our goal a great deal. The second half saw us take the lead when our opponents tried to play an offside trap from our freekick. I always believe that this is a very risky gamble and so it was, the ball was played over the line of players for our diminuitive midfielder to skip past players and neatly tuck the ball past the keeper to make it 1-0. It wasn't long before we added a second and then an individual goal from our star striker made it 3-0. Our opponents gained a late consolation when they scored from a very dubious penalty.

With one day to go to the end of the first week I weighed in at 8st 0lb 3/4, it was also my start day today. It's probably too much to expect me to be spot on 8st tomorrow but even if I'm not I shouldn't be too disappointed if I stick to the task I will get there.

With my long run yesterday I decided to skip my 4 miler as I thought it maybe a bit ambitious. Instead after I had mopped the floors and tidyed up a bit and watched Man Utd beat Fulham, okay so we were a bit fortunate as Fulham really played well. Anyway I decided to measure the run I had done yesterday using my gps, it came out at 12 miles. I was hoping that it would come out higher but that's the way it goes, it just goes to show I will need to improve over the next 4 weeks if I am to have a good run in the half marathon I am planning.

I had another fruit salad today but this time I used a bit of Elmlea instead of natural yogurt, it just tasted so much better.  The fruit salad I put together myself using one medium sized banana, a few strawberries, a kiwi fruit and a handful of fresh blueberries, I did not add any sugar whatsoever, just a small amount of cream.

Friday 23 Feb 07
Muffin with Jam & Butter 200
Blueberry Juice 70
Chicken in Basil & Tom Sauce with Pots 329
Fruit Salad & Yogurt 221
Cup of Tea (skimmed milk) 30
Raisin Flapjack 160
Total Calories 1110
Total Calories Calculated 3000
Balance -1890
Running Total -6732

I managed to get up just before eight as planned, have a light breakfast and get out by ten for my test run to see if entering the half marathon was a realistic goal. In fact I started at 9:40am, the plan was to run up to the junction of the coastal road and the start of the by-pass. The route on the way there was via the perimeter of Meols Park, past the hospital and on to Ainsdale. I only had one stop on the way down and that was at Meols Cop roundabout for obvious reason with the volume of traffic. It took me an hour and four minutes to reach the turning back north point.

After a brief stop waiting for the traffic lights to change to cross to the other side I continued the run at this stage I was starting to feel my leg muscles tightening up. I had to stop at Kenilworth Road and Ainsdale roundabout to cross roads and I headed up Liverpool Ave past the two cemeteries, to be honest I was struggling so set myself targets to get to before I would allow myself to stop, these were always points such as traffic lights and good distances apart.

I eventually got back home in 2 hours 3 mins for a distance of around 12-13 miles, I'm not to sure of the exact distance, the maps says around 12 miles but to be honest I wonder whether its more like 14. When I have an opportunity I am going to take my GPS on my bike and get an accurate measurement of the route. As to entering the half marathon which is on 25 March I feel its a very viable goal, although today was a struggle and my shins are sore, I still have another month to prepare so if I set my training correctly it shouldn't be a problem. Another factor to take into account is the fact that I did a fairly fast run yesterday and if I were doing the half marathon I would be giving myself at least two days before the event whereby I would not be doing any running. So I think a bit tentatively I have to admit to enter.

I weighed myself this morning and came in at 8st 1lb which I am pleased about. Today I will have burned off a lot of calories probably around 3000 and I have still two days left of the first week. The Sunday weigh in will me my first milestone and I shall see how many pounds I have shed. The weightloss is going a lot faster than I expected and up to now I have had no ill effects, I do though need to keep monitoring. I also need to keep my target weight in mind so I don't slip up in achieving it. I thought to myself I am almost 40 and if I don't crack getting back to just under 7 1/2 stone now I probably never will.

After getting back home and having a soak in the bath I popped next door to see my nephew Ciaran and had a cup of tea with my brother in law before picking up my sander. From there I popped to homebase for some sanding pads to start on the outside of the conservatory, the day before I'd also got some woodstain. However, on applying it I've made a mistake and I should have got mahogony stain not teak as it just doesn't look right so I am going to go back and get another tin.

Whilst I was sanding the roofer came around who'd I'd asked for a quote for the soffits etc and he has given me a quote of £1000 to replace the soffits etc, guttering and woodwork on the porch. I was quite surprised as I was expecting around £2k, anyway he is putting it in writing so I will go from there. I will now need to do some research into loans available.

Thurs 22 Feb 07
Geobar 127
Coffee (skimmed milk) x 4 40
Poached Egg on 2 toast 331
Muller Yogurt Desert 225
Cup of Tea (skimmed milk) 20
2 Mandarins 60
Blueberry Juice 50
Total Calories 853
Total Calories Calculated 2055
Balance -1202
Running Total -4842

Weds 22 Feb 07
Geobar 127
Coffee (skimmed milk) x 4 40
Chicken Cashew & Brown Rice 400
Mini Muffin 100
Raisin Flapjack 160
Cup of Tea (skimmed milk) 20
2 Mandarins 60
Total Calories 907
Total Calories Calculated 1800
Balance -896
Running Total -3640

The start of day 4, weighed myself this morning and was 8st 2lb 3/4 so not too bad and I also probably close to my monthlies so water retention could be a factor. Hopefully my long run tomorrow (rain or no rain) will burn of a few extra calories. Didn't do much last night except for the under 6s training and then just tidied up a bit and watched some telly and did a yoga session. I slept better last night and don't even remember having to get up to the loo once, still woke up a few times during the night but still a lot better than for a while.

My LM asked for a five minute chat yesterday, I always worry when this happens as I immediately think, what have I done or that they are going to have a go at me. Anyway, all it was is that he doesn't want me to answer the phones only to have to transfer them, so that's fiar enough. Also he tells me that I will be the main person doing all these password changes on the phone but I kind off guessed that already, I think the others must think they have far more important things to do and besides I don't think they want to do it. Apparently the radio will have to be turned off which will be interesting to see as I don't think one person in particular is happy with that. My LM has promised however, that I will be not left on that job indefinitely, now I've heard this before from others and the opposite happened so I will have to wait and see, he has promised to make sure I am trained up in the jobs to enable me to gain the skills to give me a chance to apply for a higher post.

I've just had a phone call from Rimmers, they can come and do the panels this Tuesday, so I have booked them and yes another day off, they will be at mine for around 8:30am. My LM was fine about it as I did feel a bit guilty about saying yes on the phone before checking it was okay. I was worried that he make think I was assuming things but I did say that if it was a problem I could phone back and change the date. But all well that ends well. I will need to make sure I make good use of the day I will need to be around probably for most of the morning but hopfully in the afternoon I could go for a run.

I am planning to do a shortish easy run this evening before the kids u11 footy training and if I have time I will pop to Homebase to get some filler and woodstain. Otherwise I will do it on Friday after my run as I also need to do a bit of shopping. I also need to get my sander back. Hopefully by then it won't be raining.

Finished work at 3pm and popped to Tesco to do a bit of shopping, managed to get some filler and then some woodstain and wood filler from Homebase.  At about 4:30pm I went for a run, I didn't really have a route in mind but ended up doing the 5-6 mile route up to the Plough via Bankfield Lane and return via Preston New Road.  I had intended to make it an easy jog so put tracky bottoms on.  However, I sort of got a bit carried away and did it in 47:03 much faster than planned but never mind it was a pretty good time.

The kids training was at seven, tonight we were low on numbers as three were on a school adventure activity holiday and two kids were unwell.  During the session we had a chat about what went wrong at the weekend, as long as the kids understand that nerves got the better of them hopefully they will learn from this and have success in the future. 

Updated To Do List
Standard Weekly Tasks
Mop floors.
Dust surfaces downstairs and tidy - Done.
Clean & hoover Bathroom - Done
Hoover bedroom and dust and tidy - Done.
Hoover Stairs - Done
Clothes Wash
Shopping

Additional Tasks
Finish cleaning inside of car
Continue clean kitchen - (left: sink cupboard, floor, radiator)
Continue to clean out and tidy spare bed room and hoover.
Continue to clear out box room.
Continue to clear and bag up garden waste.
Sort out fall claim.
Send letter re council tax
Get a tin of woodstain
Get some filler
Get old freezer out of house ready for collection on 27 Feb.
Get old TV out of garage ready for collection on 27 Feb.
Fill holes left by radiator.
Restain outside of conservatory
Restain top of bathroom sink cupboard
Make decision on half marathon and if yes enter on line
Sort out Payment for roof - Done
Send invoice to insurance - Done
Contact insurance about conservatory quote - Done I can go ahead
Check freezer on internet with fit and if so buy (1st March) - checked will fit - Done
Post team & ref sheets - Done
Book Rimmer Conservatories to replace roof panels.-phone call made, date set for this Tues. - Done

Other Tasks
Look into changes for front garden - I have a general idea of what I want.
Sort out rendering
Shop for a new washing machine
Shop for a new oven
Clear out garage
Sort out garden
Sort out bedroom light
Sort out socket
Clear under stairs
Look into getting a gas real fire effect to replace my open fire.
Purchase freezer on 1st March.
Look into getting new garage door
Look into hiring scaffolding for render work and exterior painting

Well, in early again today, I'm just not sleeping very well at the moment, its been this way for the past couple of weeks. I have to keep getting up during the night to go the toilet and also wake up frequently during the night. This follows from about three months of the opposite in terms of I could never get enough sleep and struggled to get up in the morning be it during the week or at weekends. I was only managing to get into work around nine and even later, now I'm here at 7am. I'm not aware of any particular reason for this as there is nothing major happening in my life that could stress me about maybe just the myriad of trivial things, I don't know.

I've finished day 2 of the weight loss programme. In all I only had about 822 calories yesterday, again I have to say I've not really got the hunger pangs as of yet. I had poached egg on two slices of toast and I have to say I really enjoyed it not having had poached eggs for years. This was followed by a Muller yogurt desert, blackcurrent cheesecake flavour. I have been really discipline up to now and hopefully it will continue. On the exercise side I decided to go the the gym. I went for a run first, just a bit of a jog really I headed south down the coast road for about 20-25 minutes before heading back via Lord St and back to JJB. I then went up to the gym to use the treadclimber and did 20 mins on it burning off around 300 cals, I quite like this machine as if I use longer strides it stretches out my hamstrings. My final activity at the gym was in the pool, I swam for 15 minutes and did 20 lengths. In all yesterday I must have burned off around 2300 calories. Doing the maths this roughly equates to a deficit of 1400 and a running total of minus 2744 calories.

Tues 21 Feb 07
Geobar 127
Coffee (skimmed milk) x 4 40
Poached Egg on two pieces of toast 350
Muller Yogurt Desert 225
Cup of Tea (skimmed milk) 20
2 Mandarins 60
Total Calories 822
Total Calories Calculated 2300
Balance -1478
Running Total -2744

I have now paid the roofer bill and sent the invoice off to the insurance company for settlement. I have also phoned the insurance company who have said its okay to get the conservatory work done and that I will only get charged the £100 excess on both jobs combined. I have now also rung Rimmers to arrange a day and time for them to come and do the job they are going to get back to me. I didn't get around to doing any other jobs on my To Do list, by the time I'd got back from the gym I was a little weary so didn't have the motivation. I simply put my tea on and then settled down to watch Man Utd on the telly in the champions league. It wasn't a brilliant first half but did improve a bit in the second and then it all kicked off seven minutes from the end when United scored from a quick free kick, Lille threw their toys out of the pram and threatened to all walk off, this was followed by the crowd becoming very hostile and throwing stuff at the United players.

If I am going to do the Liverpool half Marathon on the 25 March 07 I will need to run the distance a few times beforehand to make sure I will be able to do it as there's nothing worse than struggling through, hopefully by that time I will also be under 8st which would make it a little easier. I need to make the decision very soon as it's only six weeks away. I want to keep my 4-5 miler on a Saturday and also Sunday I enjoy running through the pinewoods and dunes but I do need to do the distance on pavements. An option is to take a day off as otherwise it would be in the dark and as I still have six days leave from last leave year so its an idea. Hmm I am now thinking should I have Friday or Monday off. If I do a 13.1 miler on Friday then I'd do a shorter easy run on Thurs but it will probably effect my performance on the Saturday run and then by Monday I will know whether its feasible to do the half marathon, the race is also one of my running clubs Grand Prix races, not that I have a chance of winning as there are a number of women that make me look overweight and distance running times are something that's affected by your weight. If I am going to try to be competitive I will need to get down to about 7st 5lb that would still give me a healthy BMI. I've worked it out to attain a BMI of 18.5 which is the borderline between being the right weight and being underweight I would be 6st 13llb which I don't really think is a possibility for me. The decision has been made, I have booked a days leave for this Friday, now all I have to do is decide on a route.

I will also need to make sure I get up early enough, if it rains, it rains. If I set myself a get up time no later than eight, have some breakfast then I have my run done by dinner time and will be able to get cracking on the garden given its not throwing down or even restaining the conservatory which includes reclaiming my sander from my sister, getting some new pads and stain. I can also sand the sick base unit down and restain as it's the same mahogony stain and if I use outdoor stain it should be more resilient.

Its 12:20 now and I am starting to feel a bit hungry but I will remain strong. I have decided to weight myself daily as I am interested in finding out how my weight fluctuates up and down. Now I am feeling the hunger pangs I must remain disciplinned particularly when it comes to the weekend. I must make sure I keep myself busy and not leave gaps in my time when I may be tempted. So for the kids footy tonight I will leave work giving myself only time to get home, get changed and ready and then drive to the sports hall. I should get back around 6:15 and will then put my tea on, in the time it takes to cook (about 20mins) again I must keep occupied, I will sweep the floors and generally tidy up and pop next door to get my sander. By then my tea should be ready.

Just had my fortnightly massage so, she said that the back of my shoulders had a lot of knots in them which surprised me really as I'm not really in much pain today.

Monday 19 Feb 07
Probiotic Yogurt 77
Geobar 127
Coffee (skimmed milk) x 4 40
Chicken & Mushroom (boiled brown rice) 440
Muller Yogurt Desert 232
Cup of Tea (skimmed milk) 10
 
Total Calories 926
Total Calories Calculated 2192
Balance  -1266
Running Total -1266

Well Day 1 of my weight loss programme, funnily enough I didn't feel hungry yesterday which helped.  Also I reweighed myself this morning and was 8st 4lb.  Now that doesn't mean I've lost over a pound in a day, it probably is just one of those fluctuations you get.  Anyway I started off yesterday with a probiotic yogurt and a geobar cereal bar, followed by a coffee with skimmed milk as per usual.  At dinner time I didn't feel hungry at all, I originally was going to have a banana but forwent it.  After my 7 mile run I tucked into my tea of chicken and mushroom with boiled brown rice, followed by one of those new Muller yogurt deserts.  Later I had a cup of tea.  As for calories burned I've calculated a figure of 2192 which included my run, the hour of tidying up I did, my time at work on the PC as well as the general sleeping and sitting watching TV etc.  This makes a deficit of 1266 calories to give me a good kick start, its a bit high though and it's not something I am aiming to maintain as its too aggressive.  As you can see its not alot of food that makes up 926 calories and when you think that only another 574 calories goes to make up the daily allowance for a female working in a sedentary job who doesn't participate in any exercise.  At some stage this week I need to do some shopping and get some fruit and vegetables.

The seven mile run last night went quite well except for the rain.  I managed it in 1:03:03 which is faster than last time.  If I lose the weight I want to and get down to 7st 7lb which is a middle of the range weight for somebody of my height then I am sure that my times will improve.  There is a half marathon at the end of March so if I can get down to just under 8st I will consider entering it.  So its all down to me.  There was one problem at the half way stage the back of neck/shoulder on the right side went into spasm, I tried my best to try and relax which did ease it a bit.  Later on not long before bedtime it started to hurt again and when I was lying in bed I was trying again to relax my shoulders to relieve the pain.  I'm not sure if this had any connection but I didn't really have a good nights sleep waking up several times during the night so I was in work at 7:00am.  Even this morning I can still feel pain and at times its like a pulsing pain in by upper back near my spine.

Also managed a few things off my To Do list, I gave the bathroom the once over, hoovered the upstairs carpets and the stairs, dusted upstairs and down and swept the floors downstairs.  I also started on that kitchen cupboard under the sink and completed washing down the kickboards.  I also posted the team sheets.  I was going to do a bit more on the garden but unfortunately the rain stopped that which is why I focused on indoor jobs.  Today my main priority is to sort out the bill for the roof and to send the invoice to the insurance company.  I will also fit in another run after work before the Man United game tonight in the champions league against Lille and its about time I did another session of yoga for the lower body.

I watched Waking the Dead last night I think it was the best two part story to date in the new series.  I found it very thought provoking as the story was connected to the holocaust.  The storyline involved the categorising of children by the Nazis in their arian race programme and the abuse of children in terms of their indoctrination with the Nazi ethos, the stealing of kids and their use in horrific so called experiments as well as the murder and illtreatment of the Jews.  It is difficult to imagine how the children coped with all that and many were sent to the gas chambers along with adults.  It also makes you wonder how people could so easily do and participate in what happened when normally most people would have strong inhabitions in inflicting such inhumanity.  I remember some years ago visiting Bergen Belsen a former concentration camp set in the hills in Northern Germany and being touched by the sense of what had happened there.  It doesn't matter that I'm not Jewish, religion is irrelevant here, its about how human beings can treat other human beings.  Its also hard to understand how so many of these war criminals were allowed to escape justice.  I believe the holocaust should continue to be remembered by all including education of the young and old alike.  All religions should awknowledge and be involved in rememberance as this is about human beings at the end of the day and our differences in our beliefs are insignificant.

I just don't understand it I weighed myself this morning and the scales said 8st 5lb and three quarters.  But how on earth can that be, in the past three weeks I have hardly been off my feet with all the chores I have done added to all the running.  Also I have eaten at lot less, so I should have at least lost a pound.  I just feel so annoyed about it.  So this week I will eat next to nothing and see if this makes a difference, I will try and keep my calorie intake to around 1000 calories whilst making sure I burn off 2000, it doesn't help that I have to sit down all day in this job.  Anyway I will also do a food diary and exercise diary and see the effect after a week and after a fortnight.  Working in the job I do only burns off approx 1500 so even if I don't add any exercise I should still lose.  If I aim to increase my calories burned to at least 2000 then a deficit of 1000 will occur so in a week I should lose 2lb. 

As most of the spring cleaning jobs are coming to an end I have decided to recategorise standard weekly tasks and additional task as well as others.  I think this whole exercise has been a success for me.  Its so easy for me to just do nothing particulary when I am depressed.  Sometimes I feel its incredibly difficult to do the most simplest of tasks so I don't.  Having this list is a way of me committing to having to do these jobs.  Due to my mental health problems I had let things get into a state and the amount of dirt has frankly been quite embarrassing and something I have never mentioned to others.  Anyway, tasks in the lower list will when appropriate move up the schedule.  The kitchen has not been included as its something that's a daily task.

Yesterday when I went for a run I was pleasantly surprised to see the amount of people out and about I know the sunny mild whether had a lot to do with it but with three quarters of the population deemed to be overweight and obese it just goes to show that people do get some exercise.  However, all the people I saw were not overweight people, there were people on mountain bikes there were families on bikes, people walking with and without kids, people walking dogs.  The queue to get into the car park at Formby was backing up as so many were trying to make the most of the good weather.  On my way back home along the front there were even more people walking along the seawall and beach at the Southport end.  So when people say as a nation we are lazy that it not quite accurate, its probably more accurate to say three quarters of the population are too inactive whilst one quarter of the nation has plenty of exercise and activity.  I have a very simplistic view of weight, if you eat more calories than you burn off you put on weight.  Some people saying they have a weight problem because they have a slower metobolic rate is a myth as the bigger you are the harder your heart has to work.  Thin people are thinner because they eat less and exercise more.

Well what did I tell you I got the expected knock back today regards the grant for replacing the soffits etc.  I never have any success with anything I do.  Everything always ends up in failure.  I just wish that something would go right for a change.  Other people seem to apply for these things and get them why not me.  I phoned them up to find out why and I am told that you have to be on benefits -SO why didn't they make that clear on the website.  I said the works are urgent and dangerous as specified on the website but again no.  People are earning more on benefits that I earn working.  It seems to me in you sponge off the state they will always be there to give you even more.  But if like me you are hard working they just screw you.  I am going to open that mail tonight about the letter I put in about my fall back in November and go forward with it.  This Council screws you left right and centre and gives you nothing in return.  They overcharge me with my council tax band, the roads in this town are a joke, no wonder the local website continually slags them off.

Standard Weekly Tasks
Mop floors.
Dust surfaces downstairs and tidy.
Clean & hoover Bathroom
Hoover bedroom and dust and tidy.
Hoover Stairs
Clothes Wash
Shopping

Additional Tasks
Finish cleaning inside of car
Continue clean kitchen - (left:  kick boards, sink cupboard, floor, radiator)
Continue to clean out and tidy spare bed room and hoover.
Continue to clear out box room.
Continue to clear and bag up garden waste.
Clean outside of conservatory windows & roof
Sort out Payment for roof
Send invoice to insurance
Contact unsurance about conservatory quote
Check freezer on internet with fit and if so buy
Post team & ref sheets

Other Tasks
Look into changes for front garden - I have a general idea of what I want.
Sort out rendering
Sort out fall claim.
Shop for a new washing machine
Shop for a new oven
Clear out garage
Sort out garden
Sort out bedroom light
Sort out socket
Clear under stairs
Look into getting a gas real fire effect to replace my open fire.
Restain outside of conservatory
Restain top of bathroom sink cupboard

Well I did intend to get up early today but it wasn't to be. It was 9:45 when I got up so after breakfast popped to Wilkos to see if they had the garden bench on show. Unfortunately, they didn't they were in a falt pack. I also had a look in the Range as well.

It was noon before I set off on my run I started at Pinfold Lane and headed down the Woodland Path over Dobsons Rise past the golf course and on to the Fishermans Path. I then took at left onto that newer path that says 1 1/2 miles to Victoria Road. I got to Formby car park the one tucked away in the news near the squirrel reserve in just under 40 minutes. I was quite surprised at this as it normally takes around 50 minutes. I did have an unforseen stop on the new path due to a couple not bothering to keep their dog under control. It was a black labrador, it was a very friendly dog that jumped up at me. I was not pleased as I had intended I wouldn't stop before Formby car park as you have to manouvre around parked and moving cars. Again I as was running on the path that passes the golf course I had to dodge yet another dog. I wish dog owners would keep their dogs under control.

At the car park I walked the short distance across to pick up the coastal path again, I had intended to run for about 2 hours and I probably would have done if I'd got up earlier. Anyway I ran on for about 10-15 minutes before I looped back onto Victoria Road via the squirrel reserve and passed the National Trust kiosk. I headed towards Freshfield station where I had a very brief stop of no longer than 5 seconds before turning left towards the railway crossing further down. Its one of those that you have to open and close the gate on either side. On the other side I continued crossing the golf course on the Fisherman's Path and back into Ainsdale Nature Reserve for my final return back over Dobsons Rise and back to the car along the Woodland Path. In total the run took 90 minutes the longest I've done in months. Generally I feel I am running a bit better I don't have that hamstring pain that bothered me for ages and there is less tension in my upper back and shoulders.

Later on I did make a start on the garden and filled two bags with the shrub cuttings and leaves, there's still loads to do but at least its a start.

I've tried to avoid thinking about the match yesterday too much as I do tend to dwell on things and feel that it always down to my terrible luck and that things never go right. Its not so much we lost but the manner in which we totally bottled the whole things. In essence we were beaten before we stepped foot on the pitch. I just hope this wont be repeated in March when we play the other semi.

Well what a disaster at the kids football this morning.  I knew the semi-final against TG was going to be hard they are the strongest team in the league and we had beaten them in a league game in recent weeks.  Our kids just froze, I think the occasion was too big for some of them.  One boy looked like he was going to have a nervous breakdown and that was before the kickoff.  We went down to a very early goal and conceded another soon after both down to sloppy defending.  We managed to keep the score to two before half time even though we were being torn to streds.  It didn't help that we lost two keys players due to injury early on in the game and everytime we got the ball we panicked and just gave it back to the other team.  By full time it was 4-0 and I have to say we were beaten by the better team on the day, they were stronger than us, passed the ball better than us etc.  It was a shame really as we are a really good footballing side.  We have another semi in March and I just hope that the kids won't bottle it again.

After getting home and having a bit of dinner I mopped the floors before setting off to Vicky Park for a 4-5 mile run.  It was a lovely sunny day so I decided to wear shorts and a long sleeved t'shirt, however, with the Park being close to Marine Drive there was a cool breeze coming off the sea.  I completed the run in 39:35 I think it was slightly quicker than last time by a few seconds I'm not sure.

Got back and after a nice hot bath to ease those muscles I decided to clean the outside of the mini conservatory windows and the roof.  I used a step ladder and a sponge to do the windows and then used a mop to reach the roof panels.  It's made such a difference as its got rid of that moss that had appeared to become a permanent feature blocking out some of the light.  I also cleared out the conservatory guttering which was full of dead leaves and gungy stuff which I pressume was rotten leaves.  To be honest if I hadn't been wearing rubber gloves I wouldn't have put my hands anywhere near that gunge.  I also used the hose pipe as a sort of power wash to drive out the debris which seemed to work.  The plan for tomorrow is too get started on clearing all the soggy leaves and shrub cutting and that ivy that I pulled down months ago but never got around to clearing up.  That's after I've gone for a run across the dunes and pinewoods in the morning and if I manage to get up early enough I might even fit in a trip into twon to have a look at some garden benches.

I started trying to take out the broken freezer I found it was quite easy really, just a case of unscrewing in all the relevant places.  I haven't dragged it out of the cabinet as I will do that when I can arrange for the council to come and pick it up with their free service.  They provide it free of charge to prevent people fly tipping.  The only problem will be actually getting the freezer to the outside so I will need to think about that.  I have already started researching on the net for a new freezer.  I don't need an all singing and dancing one just one that freezes foods so I am probably looking at spending no more than £250 even less.  There are so many different sizes and dimensions so I will need to make sure it will fit into the cabinet.

Tasks to do Over this Week 12 Feb in no particular order.
Mop floors.- Done
Dust surfaces downstairs.- Done
Finish cleaning inside of car
Continue clean kitchen - (left:  kick boards, sink cupboard, floor, radiator)
Continue to clean mini conservatory. -  Done
Hoover bedroom and dust.- Done
Continue to clean out and tidy spare bed room and hoover.
Continue to clear out box room.
Clear and bag up garden waste.
Clean outside of conservatory windows & roof - Done
Make call to roofer - Done.
Make call to conservatory people - Done
Shop for a new freezer - start looking this weekend on the internet - Started

Other Tasks
Look into changes for front garden
Sort out rendering
Sort out fall claim.
Shop for a new washing machine
Shop for a new oven
Clear out garage
Sort out garden
Sort out bedroom light
Sort out socket
Clear under stairs
Look into getting a gas real fire effect to replace my open fire.
Look into getting a grant to do the roof and rendering. - Filled out a form awaiting response

Oh its Friday, the last working day of the week, time for a review of the To Do list for the weekend.  I managed to clean out the mini conservatory and now just need to get rid of that old trolley and put ladders away.  I got that quote from the Conservatory people for two replacement panels for the conservatory roof its £420.  Now the insurance company said to get any work under £500 done and get quotes for over that, the roof already cost £400 so I don't know whether they were taking them separately so I will need to contact them.  I plan to send payment this weekend to the roofers and at the same time send the invoice to the insurance people.

The forecast is for rain this weekend so I'm told so I hope they're wrong because I want to start on the outside jobs this weekend.  I also still need to do the inside of the car.  If I have time I can dust and hoover again this evening.  I also need to start to search on the internet for a new freezer as I have decided it will be my first purchase.  I need to check out how its wired in and get somebody to help install it as I don't want to be paying somebody over the odds to sort it.

I have been thinking about the front garden in terms of changes.  I think I've set my mind on digging up the grass and old path, levelling it, putting down a membrane and then stones, maybe a shape in the middle in a different colour stone.  Two benches would be nice, I have seen on the Wilko's site they are selling them for £15 so I may pop into town at the weekend and see what they are like.  I don't want big benches, just little ones as it would swamp the garden.  I can't really to anything yet though because I need the soffits replaced and that will involve a lot of debris and dirt so I don't want to make the garden nice and then be showered with stuff so I am awaiting a response to my grant application.  I have also seen a solar water fountain that may look nice at a inexpensive cost.  As with the potential benches I will need to have some way of securing them to prevent them being stolen.  I've also been thinking for ages about having a gas real flame effect fire in place of the open fire, I know having an open fire is nice but its the time to set it up that's the hassle so I rarely use it.  Having a fire that can be instantly turned on and off would be far better, this project would be expensive so it will have to just sit on the list indefinitely as the need for new freezer, washing machine and oven takes precedence.  The thing will all these ideas is that one leads to another and another and I start to become a bit obsessed only thinking about that particular topic.  Its difficult at the moment as its quiet at work so with not a lot to do my thinking takes over but at least its not that negative thinking that can so easily bring my mood crashing down.

I still need to sort out the correspondence related to my fall back in September.  I haven't even opened the mail, the problem is, as with all mail I receive, getting up or comming home to find mail in the porch is not a pleasant experience for me, in fact I feel a sense of relief when there isn't.  You see I fear that the letter will be something horrible or someone having a go at me.  The fact that is a very rare occurance does not change that belief or feeling unfortunately, so that's why mail can just sit there and end up with my footprints on.  The same is with the answer phone I am glad to find zero messages.

The kids training went well last night we were really pleased with all of them, the football was fantastic.  Both A & C weren't there so I think that helped a bit because it was quieter.  J the keeper also didn't come as he was sick, so lets hope he's okay for tomorrow as we haven't really got anyone else to play in goal.  The semi is tomorrow, its a really big game for them against a very hard TG team so if we are going to win we will need to be on top form.  The game is at the other teams pitch but we will have refs assistants.  As long as J plays well for us we should have a great chance, he has scored 46 goals already this season and his pace is unbeatable.

I do need to go for a run this evening as I've missed for the past two days.  Hopefully tomorrow I will do the Vicky Park 4-5 mile route with a longer run on Sunday.  I have to say my neck, shoulders and back don't feel as painful this week but today I can feel a bit of pain on the right side of my neck/shoulder.  Also had a bout of those piercing pains in my head which is down to muscle tension.  Unfortunately I missed out on my dinnertime walk today as its raining, its not particularly heavy but quite constant.  I am hoping it stops for my run.

Tasks to do Over this Week 12 Feb in no particular order.
Mop floors.
Dust surfaces downstairs.
Finish cleaning inside of car
Continue clean kitchen - (left:  kick boards, sink cupboard, floor, radiator)
Continue to clean mini conservatory. -  Done
Hoover bedroom and dust.
Continue to clean out and tidy spare bed room and hoover.
Continue to clear out box room.
Clear and bag up garden waste.
Clean outside of conservatory windows & roof
Make call to roofer - Done.
Make call to conservatory people - Done

Other Tasks
Look into changes for front garden
Sort out rendering
Sort out fall claim.
Shop for a new freezer - start looking this weekend on the internet.
Shop for a new washing machine
Shop for a new oven
Clear out garage
Sort out garden
Sort out bedroom light
Sort out socket
Clear under stairs
Look into getting a gas real fire effect to replace my open fire.
Look into getting a grant to do the roof and rendering. - Filled out a form awaiting response.

During my usual half hour walk today an odd thought came into my head.  If I were to be born again what would I want to be.  And alternatively, if I were to go back to being a child/young person what career path would I choose.

Well I thought, the first question would be quite straight forward, I would be a man.  Not for the sole reason of being a man as I'm quite content with being a woman.  It's based on the fact that if given the choice it would be great to be a footballer.  Again not purely because of the wealth but because I love football.  So if I could choose to be anything it would be that.

On the second question I would fancy doing some sort of trade.  Plumbing and drainage work would be out of the question as that's far to smelly and stomach churning.  Motor mechanics again wouldn't interest me, its far to messy having to work in dirty oilly conditions and besides a car has no purpose for me than to get me from A to B.  I wouldn't mind some sort of building work but not for those big construction firms.   Being able to build something that's really nice like an ornamental wall or carpentry and being able to make something yourself would be great.  I would be outdoors some of the time which would be great in summer but no so good in winter.

Alternatively, I could consider being a garden designer, being able to put together wonderful creations to provide special places for people.  I would have knowledge about all sorts of plants.  Again summer great, winter not so.  Another option would be as an interior designer and decorator being able to make people's home a sanctuary and/or a pleasant place to be working with colours and patterns and accessories. Another area of interest may be something to do with nature management and conversation.

Moving away from the outdoor theme I could quite see myself as a psychologist working with children and young people or adults, helping people deal with, overcome and move on with life's problems or mental health issues.

There is definitely one thing I wouldn't do and that's work in an office that I do day in day out and I wouldn't be keen on working for a big organisation having little or nor autonomy. 

Well, its Thursday and another day. Last night was quiet, I babysat for a couple of hours with C and J. C had an ear infection in fact his parents had just taken him to the hospital and they were concerned and he came back with anti-biotics. So when they left he was very wingy so he just sat with me crying. I decided to get his pyjamas on so when he fell asleep we wouldn't have to disturb him. After 15 mins or so he settled down and fell asleep but everytime I tryed to move him he would start to cry so it was a while before I was able to carry him up to his bed.

No jobs done last night as it was the under 6 training and then the babysitting so it was an evening of telly. We watched the Brits awards, J is getting to the age where he is showing an interest in music. It wasn't a bad show except I found Russell Brand seriously not funny but rather crude. There is some good music in the charts at the moment and I did enjoy the performance particulary of the Scissor Sisters, Snow Patrol and Oasis.

Surprise, surprise I got a response to my claim that my house was in the wrong council tax band B instead of A and it was a No but they have sent me some sort of form for it to be reviewed. I am not letting it drop yet even though in the end I will probably get nowhere. I can't understand why I should pay more than my neighbour whose property is attached to mine. The letter was saying something about not being valid, I'm not sure what they mean here, if its a case of I've lived there for over six months how would I have known to make a claim as I have only realised that next door was an A. They have not given me any concrete reason why my house is a band higher. I am still trying to lose weight , its been a couple of weeks and nothing seems to be changing.

I weighed myself yesterday and okay it was around 4pm but I just can't understand why I am 8st 4lb, I should at least be 2lb lighter. For the past two weeks I have watched what I have eaten, done plenty of runs and been on my feet alot doing all these jobs of my to do list but nothing has shifted. What do I have to do, I can hardly reduced my food intake calorie wise much more and I am already doing plenty of exercise, I'm just so frustrated about this.

Its the under 11 training tonight, we have a semi final to play on Saturday, so its a big game for them. I got a phone call yesterday teatime from a parent who says that his son is ill so he is pulling him out as he doesn't feel he will be better in time. I'm not too sure though as in the conversation he said something on the lines of I would be playing him anyway. So it maybe that he feels as his son may not get on there's no point in going on the other hand I could be totally off the mark. There is an element of accuracy in what he suspects as I have let all the kids know that there is no guarantee they would get on and the needs of the team would come first. This is the opposite of what we normally do where any kid that starts as sub can usually expect a good part of the game.

I'm still feeling very anxious at the moment and anything no matter how trivial is causing me to get a jittery, butterflies in the stomach, I mean things that normally wouldn't bother me. For example, the password thing at work has really made me feel stressed even though I have dealt with external customers on tons of occasions. I am up to date on my medication so it can't be that. Also today I was unsure of how to execute a certain job, I felt really nervous about saying so as I thought it may show I was stupid or something. I switched to do something else but still wanting to be able to work it out for myself. A then asked me if I'd done it yet so I had to ask questions which now makes me think that A is probably thinking I would rather ignore something than say I don't understand. Anyway, it turns out that I'd not done that bit of the job before so it all goes to show if I'd pursued asking questions to start with I would have saved myself the worry. Sometimes it so hard being me.

They're always talking about money in here and spending it on posh holidays and all.  I don't earn as much as they do so it just winds me up.  One person in patricular L just goes on and on each day about something financial.  She is always moaning, she should try and survive on my salary.  If I could just get on the next rung of the ladder I could earn a bit more.  The roof soffits etc need replacing, I need a washing machine and freezer as I've survived the past two years or so without one.  The rendering on the house needs sorting.  I need a new oven.  Even if I could afford a holiday I've nobody to go with.

I've just had an idea to apply for a housing improvement grant from the council to replace the soffits, facias and barge board.  So I've filled out the form and have sent it via email to the council.  But what's the betting its rejected.

Were taking on a new job at work to change passwords for users so I was given a bit of a walkthrough today, the woman who showed me is a natural on working on a help desk I think she was born for it.  I am told this new element of the job could well start next week so I am a bit nervous about it.

Its the kids Under 6 footy training this evening and then I've agreed to babysit as my brother in law wants to take my sister for a meal out as its valentines day.

Woke up this morning and decided I couldn't be bothered so I rang up work to say I wouldn't be in as I wanted to be around when the roofers came.  There is a strong element of truth in this as you've seen so many tradesman from hell you are always cautious.  They are charging £300 for fixing slates, now I'm no expert but people at work think this was a bit expensive.  Its on the insurance so its not exactly coming out of my pocket but I was interested in how much of their time this job was going to take.  They did come around last night and as they said make it watertight but what else needs to be done? The conservatory also man came around yesterday teatime to meaure up for some replacement panels.

A couple more jobs done yesterday, I cleaned out that narrow cupboard and oven after I finished cleaning the inside of the conservatory windows and this morning I mopped out the floor so there's not much to do on that job now.

I was reading a local news website today as I often do and there is an article on there out a the body of a young man being found behind the Zetland pub, early indications are apparently pointing to suicide.  How sad if this is the case that this young man felt so depressed that suicide seemed the only way out.  There have been times I have felt like there was no point to my life and thoughts of suicide have entered my head but thankfully for me I have never acted upon them.  Sometimes I have wondered what events would push me that far.  A person once said to me that she thought suicide was a very selfish act and for example, can ruin the lives of train drivers.  But as I said to her when people are in that frame of mind the needs and interest of others don't even enter the psyche.  Also on the news today Robbie Williams is undergoing treatment for apparent addiction to anti-depressants, it just goes to show that you can have all the success and money in the world but it doesn't guarantee you happiness.

On a lighter note I am off for a run, yesterday I did intend to do 7 miles but could motivate myself, so lets try again.

It's now 3:15pm and I am back from my run.  I went up to Formby Pinewoods and Dunes ran for half an hour heading South and then turned back North to my car which was parked about 200 metres from the squirral reserve.  It was a good trail run through woodland trails and dune paths.  I got back probably around 2:15pm, I couldn't believe it, I'd missed the roofers so I don't know how long they spent on the job or exactly what they'd done.  They've just left the invoice in the porch.  I've also returned to find one of the cats has just done her business in my freshly cleaned conservatory, it was probably Bootsie as she definitely looks the most guilty one and does have a bit of a track record on that score.  Anyway, I have just had the lovely task of clearing it up.

Tasks to do Over this Week 12 Feb in no particular order.
Mop floors.
Dust surfaces downstairs.
Finish cleaning inside of car
Continue clean kitchen - (left: kick boards, sink cupboard, floor, radiator)
Continue to clean mini conservatory. - Almost Done
Hoover bedroom and dust.
Continue to clean out and tidy spare bed room and hoover.
Continue to clear out box room.
Clear and bag up garden waste.
Clean outside of conservatory windows & roof
Make call to roofer - Done
Make call to conservatory - Done
Shopping

Other Tasks
Look into changes for front garden
Sort out rendering
Sort out fall claim.
Shop for a new freezer
Shop for a new washing machine
Shop for a new oven
Clear out garage
Sort out garden
Sort out bedroom light
Sort out socket
Clear under stairs

I feel a bit jittery today, maybe it's because I made the call to a roofer to sort out the leak in the roof. He said he would go to my house and check it out and sort out estimates. So I am awaiting a response. I also need to phone someone to sort out the conservatory. I was in at 7:45am this morning so I plan to go around four and put in another run, probably the 7 mile route.

On Friday I changed that bulb on the stairs and left the ladder outside the kitchen door. Pebbles the cat decided it would be quite good to climb the ladder and on a number of occasions sat on the top rung. Everytime I passed she would throw out a paw to attract my attention so that I would stroke her. On Sunday though I decided it was time to move the ladder after she had thrown her paw out with claws extended and caught me in the face just under the eye. You can hardly notice the mark but I thought it best not to tempt fate.

I just feel a bit depressed today I am trying to keep myself going with all these chores and I do have to admit I can see and feel the difference with my house. I want to do my run this evening but the way I am feeling at the moment I could quite easily not bother.

The roofer has just called back and said it's nothing major just a few slates and that chances are he could fix it today. Hopefully everything will be okay, I am a bit worried about not being there as I don't know what if anything he does. The bill will be £300, he said he will account for the excess, so I now need to find out the best way to go about claiming it back. I've also now made the call about the conservatory about the storm damage from the 18 Jan and it could be their able to pop around between 4:15-17:00 as they are just around the corner.

This weeks To Do list is thankfully shorter. Some are now standing items that are repeated each week but hopefully as the weeks progress the bigger items will get sorted.

Tasks to do Over this Week 12 Feb in no particular order.
Mop floors.
Dust surfaces downstairs.
Finish cleaning inside of car
Continue clean kitchen - (left: oven, kick boards, sink cupboard, floor, narrow cub, radiator)
Continue to clean mini conservatory.
Hoover bedroom and dust.
Continue to clean out and tidy spare bed room and hoover.
Continue to clear out box room.
Clear and bag up garden waste.
Clean outside of conservatory windows & roof
Make call to roofer - Done
Make call to conservatory - Done
Shopping

Other Tasks
Look into changes for front garden
Sort out rendering
Sort out fall claim.
Shop for a new freezer
Shop for a new washing machine
Shop for a new oven
Clear out garage
Sort out garden
Sort out bedroom light
Sort out socket
Clear under stairs

It was a case of heavy rain throughout most of the night so when I got up there were plenty of puddles on the road.  The night before I had baby sat for my sister who with her husband went out for a meal with his mother for her 80th birthday.  Thankfully due to his parents age they were back at 10:45pm.  After breakfast I continued on the cleaning of the oven, a frightening task as I haven't done it in ages.  At around eleven I got into the car to make the short journey to the Ainsdale Nature Reserve, I did the route where you follow the Woodland Path, turn out to the Fisherman's Path and then return on the Sefton Coastal Path and the Pinfold Path.  The first part is on gravel, stony paths so except for the continuous ups and downs it's not too bad.  It's the second part that's the killer with winding sand paths through the dunes, sometimes you can feel your running on the spot and when ascending it's even worse.  Nevertheless I was pleased with my time as it was faster than the previous one a week or so ago (57:36), in fact the quickest since the paths have been re-routed.  It was surprisingly warm for February and sunny, there were plenty of people out and about walking, running and mountain biking.  Though if I were to get up and go early the place is teeming with runners. 

During the afternoon I did another clothes wash and mopped the floors.  This spring clean is taking longer than I originally envisaged but I am really giving everything a good clean.  The kitchen slowly but surely is progressing and I started the garden by taking round a bin bag and collecting all the litter than tends to collect.  I am considering taking the grass up at the front of the house.  The problem is that I just can't seem to get it to look good.  In the summer one side gets scorched by the sun and it's reflection in the window, the other side ends up full of moss due to the privet hedge and I don't want to take that down as it provides privacy.  I am thinking maybe if i dug up the grass and the path and then levelled it, put down a membrane and used some decorative stones, raised beds, pots etc. and added a small bench it may look a whole lot better.

Well it's almost six o'clock and the tea is on and I am exhausted.  I started the cleaning of the inside of the conservatory windows, it only a very small conservatory but all that up and down the small step ladder has taken its toll.  I think it's time to down tools and relax.

Tasks to do Over this Week 5 Feb in no particular order.
Mop floors - Done.
Dust surfaces downstairs - Done.
Finish cleaning inside of car
Continue clean kitchen - (left: oven, kick boards, sink cupboard, floor, narrow cub, radiator)
Clean mini conservatory.
Hoover bedroom and dust - Done.
Continue to clean out and tidy spare bed room and hoover.
Continue to clear out box room.
Clear and bag up garden waste.
Clean bathroom - Done
Sort out kits and clothes bank unwanted. - Done
Clean outside of conservatory windows & roof
Bag up and sort footy subs and pay in to treasurer - Done
Put new bulb in stair light - Done
Shopping - Done
Make phone call to insurance. - Done

Only got up at 10am this morning, it was just too cold to venture outside the duvet. With no kids football this morning it was an opportunity to get cracking with a few more items from my to do list. After breakfast I started on the bathroom clearing out and cleaning all those cupboards as well as the bath, toilet, skirting boards etc. About noon I got a visit from Jehovah’s witnesses at first I thought I’d pretend to be out but he knocked on the inner door so I decide to answer it. This guy has called on me a few times, may be he thinks I can be converted. Sometimes he comes with his wife, sometimes another person. He seems a nice enough guy and I would say he’s in his mid fifties. I don’t really mind speaking to these people, to be honest in a way religious people intrigue me. They seem to have blind faith in their rule book whether it be the bible or some other religion and their book. I have nothing against that as people have the right to believe in what they want because at the end of the day it can’t really be approved nor disproved. Being brought up as a Catholic, like any other religion you are told what to believe and how to behave and there are many stories in religious books that demonstrate good morals for example, parables. But sometimes I wonder, is it that god created man or that man created god. What I mean is this, all these books god is always a man and women our always portrayed as secondary. Is it these books were always written from a male perspective and represented the understanding and beliefs of people 2000 years ago, who knows?

Anyway this guy had called again because last time he asked me how I measure success and I had said ‘happiness’. He had returned reciting another passage in his bible saying that what the bible says is heaven is actually earth because god had put people on the earth because it was the right place for them. An interesting thought, he might be right or he might be wrong who knows?

Later on around 1:30pm I popped out to Victoria Park and did the run that’s around 4-5 miles, I did it just under a minute faster than last time, so if I could just lose some more weight I feel I could do it even faster as in the past I’ve done this distance in 28 minutes.

Returned and continued with the bathroom and also did a clothes wash. The outdoor chores are on hold at the moment due to the weather so I will have to see what its like tomorrow.

It was the Under 11 kids footy training last night. With no game at the weekend it was a good opportunity to just let the kids play, well almost. I was really pleased with the performance, okay so we didn't have A there, his school friend told me he thought he had been grounded because he'd tossed his boots over the fence into someones garden next to his school field so you can imagine his dad was not pleased. He is a good player but can be so disruptive at times with his clowning about. Another kid J was also missing because he has hurt his foot quite badly but thankfully not broken it, whilst another C has a bad cold. At the moment we are having a problem with one kid Ch, he is a bit of a loner but seems to have a chip on his shoulder. For the past fortnight he has been taking chunks out of his teammates at training, there a cracking set of kids but they are losing patience with him. Two weeks ago training ended with him sending a kid flying who ended up crying in pain thankfully the kid didn't break his arm, Ch didn't seem to care he had hurt someone and he would go and check he was okay saying he had gone for the ball but the look on his face said it all. We thought it was a one off until last week when he again was very reckless. I discussed with my assistant K the best way to tackle this issue but in the meantime his father spoke to my assistant saying that the fault they with all the other kids and so had to be put right. Thankfully, K said all the right things to both the kid and his dad. I do worry about this kid he struggles to bond with the other kids, his dad thinks its something to do with the fact is is often sub but I don't hold with that he had loads of opportunities and has played numerous full games. His dad's a nice enough guy but his judgement is clouded when it comes to his son. Anyway at training last night he was fine and seemed a lot happier so we will have to keep an eye on the situation.

When I got home from work yesterday I managed finally to change the bulb on the stairs. Now , it was a bit of a saga, firstly I tried to find something slim enough to fit on a stair to give me more height, namely an old PC tower base unit. This didn't work so I got two thick books and put them on top of the base unit. Again I still need more height, so I got the ladders out but because I had to put them on the landing bit I still struggled to reach. I called my brother in law from next door but his hands were to big to fit through the shade, he said he would try again as his tea was ready. Finally though I managed it, standing on the top rung on the step ladders I reached across putting both hands into the shade, after a bit of struggling it was sucess. Thankfully I've a good sense of balance because I was reaching quite a distance and if I had lost balance I wouldn't have had use of my hands to stop me falling. Anyway, the light works again.

Today is time to review that To Do this before the weekend. As usual I have marked items done in red. Last night as well as the light I also managed to clean two more cupboards in the kitchen, the pots cupboards. I've also bagged up some items for disposal as I haven't used them in years so it's time to get rid. A number of items have been left to the weekend deliberately, hopefully the weather won't be as cold as it has been for the outdoor stuff.

Tasks to do Over this Week 5 Feb in no particular order.
Mop floors.
Dust surfaces downstairs - Done.
Finish cleaning inside of car
Continue clean kitchen - (left: oven, kick boards, sink cupboard, floor, narrow cub, radiator)
Clean mini conservatory.
Hoover bedroom and dust - Done.
Continue to clean out and tidy spare bed room and hoover.
Continue to clear out box room.
Clear and bag up garden waste.
Clean bathroom
Sort out kits and clothes bank unwanted. - Done
Clean outside of conservatory windows & roof
Bag up and sort footy subs and pay in to treasurer - Done
Put new bulb in stair light - Done
Shopping - Done
Make phone call to insurance. - Done

I left early yesterday at 3pm to go and do a run. It consisted of a ten minute jog at a comfortable pace, followed by 3x400 metres at a faster pace (around 1:39 minute), as time was then against me I had to finish prematureley as I had intended to do five repititions. Instead I just went straight into another 10 min jog at a comfortable pace before getting showered and changed for the under 6s footy coaching session.

Well I attended that football meeting last night and boy was it boring, it didn't finish until 9:50pm. After all the stick I was getting for not attending the meetings I couldn't believe that was hardly anyone there. There was the chairperson, secretary, treasurer and two representatives from the under 10s, no one else came. There was nothing that couldn't be sent via email and if a decision needed to be made, that's were the meeting comes in. Anyway, I managed to get rid of the footy subs to the treasurer and all the spare kit. The remainder I will drop off at the Secretary's flat to go to a developing country.

In between the under 6s session and the meeting I managed to have some tea and clean out two more cupboards in the kitchen.

Some parts of the country have been swamped with snow today but as is normal, this area has not. I'm not really sure of why we always seem to miss snow when other areas around us get it. It may be something to do with the position on the coast but I'm not really sure. It's still really cold though and we are getting a few light snow showers but it doesn't seem to be sticking.

I aim to look into the issue that was brought up by the tv programme Tonight with Trevor McDonald about council tax bands. I have discovered that next door to my terraced house is a band A, whereas mine is a B. It's the same size, just a small two up two town little property with a small garden in the front and back so I don't really understand why its a B. In 1997 when I bought the property it was £40,500 and I know from looking around the area all the other houses on the market were between £35-£41 grand. So taking it back to 1991 when the valuations were made, the market price for the area would have mean't all houses fitted into band A. We will wait and see what happens when I look into challenging it but I don't hold much hope as I always tend to be a person who loses when it comes to things like this. Well it's 09:30 and I've made the claim online via the VOA website as I said before I am expecting a negative response.

I been on this weight reduction attempt now for almost two weeks and after weighing myself yesterday I just can't understand why I haven't lost any weight. Surely after a fortnight of cutting out snacks and therefore reducing my daily calorie intake to 1000-1200 calories plus all the runs I have done I would loose something even if it was just a pound. But no, nothing, how can that be I need to lose at stone at this rate I will be hitting retirement when I get to my goal weight of 7st 5llb. It was around 4pm when I weighed in so maybe I need to weigh myself in the morning to see if there is any difference. Tonight is the under 11s footy session so I probably won't have time to fit in a run this evening but I will try to stick it out until the end of the week.

I will try and knock off a couple more off my To Do List, the bulb replacing one on the stairs one seems quite a quick and easy one but the problem is it's over the four top stairs and I can't reach with it being over the four stairs there is nowhere to put a chair or stool etc. If I can't find anything that is narrow enough to fit on one stair I will have to get my nephew (the almost 23 year old) to do it as even my brother in law would struggle with the height. I can't believe really he is coming up to his 23rd birthday, where do all the years go. There is a big gap between him and his younger brother who is only 11. My sister had him a month before her 18th birthday so she was very young herself. I'm quite close to him as my sister was still at home, so before my 17th birthday I was getting involved in helping bring him up and it was only when he was six my sister married his dad and moved just over a mile away.

Arrived at work this morning just before eight to no heating and boy was it cold, it's bad enough getting up on these cold frosty mornings without the absence of heat, I'm on the second cup of coffee already. The weather forcast is predicting heavy snow falls for most of England tomorrow so I may have to plough my way in or as normally tends to happen we miss the snow altogether.

Didn't manage my speedwork last night, I had to look after my two nephews as my brother in law didn't get back from work until seven and then it was that cold and frosty outside I decided against it. On the positive side though I did some shopping at Tesco, sorted out the footy subs for submitiing and sorted out the footy kit into what can be clothes banked and what can be passed onto the Under 7 manager. So at least they will stop cluttering up my box room. I also managed to clean out two more of the kitchen drawers. Tonight is the under 6 training session followed by this footy club meeting which I normally try to avoid. I am also thinking about maybe finishing earlier to do the speedwork session I missed from last night.

Had my massage this afternoon, Jane comes into our workplace, I schedule these for every two weeks. Its a nice release as my necks and shoulders are hurting today so it does ease things a bit. My mood has also lifted in the past couple of days I down feel as down or anxious so that has to be good.

Another fairly good run yesterday evening I did about seven miles using the route running up to Waterloo Road and back down Lord St. I managed to include a few faster spurts within the run and eventually got home in 1:04. It's still not as fast as I have done in the past but it's moving in the right direction. Still my legs are feeling looser and allowing me to keep up a good pace without that tight feeling that gives me a burning feeling at the back of my legs. Sometimes it feels I have a large elastic band joining both legs that gives me movement but with resistance.

After my run and my tea I did a bit more cleaning in the kitchen, I managed to wipe down the woodwork and wallpaper on one side of the room and also clean the window. By the time I done all this it was gone 7:30 so I decided to do another session of yoga working on the lower body to help stretch out my hamstrings which are notoriously always tight. I am trying to keep this yoga up for a bit to see if it has the desired effect in releasing some of the muscle tension I experience on a regular basis.

For this evening I plan to do a speedwork session perhaps 5x400 metres with warm up and cool down. I also need to pop to Tesco to do some shopping and then if I have time bag up the footy subs to take to the treasurer tomorrow and sort out that footy kit so I can give what can be reused to the Under 7 team manager and clothes bank the rest. Some of this will be dependent on whether I'm needed to look after my nephews whilst my sister goes to work and my brother in law returns home from work.

My anxiety levels seem to have reduced since yesterday so feeling a bit calmer. We had a team meeting at work today and it appears a lot more work is coming our way so hopefully I will have more to do as it causes me stress if I don't have enough to do, sometimes it can be worse than having too much to do. I am not getting carried away though thinking things are going to improve for me but at least it gives me a little hope that I can move on rather than my usual strongly held belief that no matter what I do or what happens nothing ever changes. The main fear is that if I develop expectations things will improve I will only end up being disappointed and any glimmer of hope will be extinquished. It's been a couple of weeks now since I have been working in this new post, as far as I am aware things are smooth at the moment. All the other members of the five person team are male and I think this may be better for me. Nowadays I am always nervous about new relationships I spend my time worrying about whether they like me or not or how they think I am doing. Presently though they all seem very nice people to work with.

Last weeks to do list proved quite sucessful so I have made another. This time I have all week to complete, some were carried over from last week, some replicated and some added and some move up from the lower list. I must also get to grips with some of the tasks on the lower list. The weather forcast for this week says the first part is going to be very cold with frosty mornings so it may be a case of leaving the outdoor ones to the weekend also it goes dark at five so I don't have a great deal of time. The whole point of the exercise is to get me to do stuff I know I should do instead of always putting it off. The fact the house is looking better also helps to make me feel better, it also keeps me busy and less likely to go down the road of negative thinking. The down side is that my hands are really dry and sore and the skin has spilt on my right thumb. I also need to keep up with my running for the coming week and I may even consider doing that 10k race in Blackburn on Sunday. I also have a neck, shoulders and back massage on Weds, a footy meeting in the evening which I really should attend after the under 6s training. On Thurs I have the usual under 11s training. I also need to do a few more of those yoga sessions for the lower body. I took the step this morning to register an insurance claim for the storm damage, I know its taken me a couple of weeks to make the call I just kept avoiding doing it . As well as the conservatory roof panels I also included the box room ceiling and the leak from the roof. After ages of ignoring it I have done something about it. I made that call, I kept having to relax my arm that was holding the handset as it kept going tense. They have advised me due to the volume of claims they are receiving to contact a local tradesman to do the work or provide a quote depending on the severity of the damage. At dinner I went for a walk but I do feel tense and anxious about it still. It's these trivial events that effect me more than serious ones but at least now it's done I just need to contact local tradespeople.

Tasks to do Over this Week 5 Feb in no particular order.
Mop floors.
Dust surfaces downstairs.
Finish cleaning inside of car
Continue to clean kitchen - thoroughly
Clean mini conservatory.
Hoover bedroom and dust.
Continue to clean out and tidy spare bed room and hoover.
Start on clearing out box room.
Clear and bag up garden waste.
Clean bathroom
Sort out kits and clothes bank unwanted.
clean outside of conservatory windows
Bag up and sort footy subs.
Put new bulb in stair light
Shopping
Make phone call to insurance. - Done

Other Tasks
Look into changes for front garden
Sort out rendering
Sort out roof and facia boards
Sort out conservatory roof.
Sort out fall claim.
Shop for a new freezer
Shop for a new washing machine
Shop for a new oven
Clear out garage
Sort out garden
Sort out bedroom light

Well its Sunday evening and I have knocked some more items off my To Do list.  I was up around nine and after breakfast finished off cleaning the inside of the windows.  I also posted some mail before going out to Ainsdale Nature reserve for a run.  I followed the Woodland Path to the end before turning right on to the Fisherman's Path which takes you onto the Sefton Coastal Path.  I looked at my watch and was please to see I was making good time.  Over the dunes I could see the tide was fairly well in.  Between the two paths there is an expanse of dunes the centre of which is bare of grass, in the summer you could just imagine being in the Sahara.  I picked up the path again through the dunes, here the going gets tough the soft sand takes it out on your legs and its difficult to pick up any speed.  The path winds itself through dunes, grasslands, past ponds and across a boardwalk before meeting the Pinfold Path and heading back towards the start of the woodland path near to the Coastal Road.  I am glad to say I felt better than I have for a long time.  At the end I didn't feel exhausted or out of breath, my time was faster than I have done in ages at 58:47 mins, my legs felt a lot looser and my hamstrings didn't for a change feel tight.  Now in a good mood from this I drove home via the Coastal Road and Marine Drive.

Back at home after a nice hot bath I continued with my task list.  I filled a bucket with some hot soapy water and cleaned the lower windows before little Ciaran my three year old nephew popped his head around the fench and asked if he could come across from next door.  I got cracking with washing the car whilst also keeping an eye on the little one, he wanted me to keep filling his watering can with the hosepipe to which I obliged on numerous occasions.  Washing the car took me nicely to 4pm where I tied away buckets and hosepipes etc to watch the Man Utd beat Spurs 4-0, at half time I was also able to hoover the interior of the car but sometime during the week I need to get a damp cloth and wipe down the surfaces which always end up muddy with all the football gear.

I didn't complete all the tasks but on the whole the idea was sucessful, the ones I didn't get chance to do I can carry over to next week.

Tasks to do Over this Weekend 3/4 Feb 07 in no particular order.
Pop to Tesco get some cat food and washing up liquid and washing powder. - Done
mop floors. - Done
dust surfaces downstairs.- Done
do ironing. - Done
wipe over couch and chair. - Done
clean windows inside. - Done
clean lower windows outside. - Done
clean porch - Done
clean car in and out. - Exterior Done, Interior to finish
clean kitchen - thoroughly. - started
clean mini conservatory.
hoover bedroom and dust. - done
go through clothes and bag up any not used for clothes bank. - Done
put bed sheets and duvet covers in wash. - Done
clean out and tidy spare bed room and hoover. - Started
start on clearing out box room. - Started
Clear and bag up garden waste.
Sort out paperwork for endowment claim.
open and sort out mail unopened.

Kids won again today, we played against another local team.  Most of the players from both teams know each other some even best friends on opposing sides so it's always a good natured game.  They have always used us as a benchmark on their improvement so came out pumped up and ready.  I always like my team to play good entertaining football from back to front but our opponents favour the kick and rush as it suits the players they have.  Anyway early on the game was quite competitive and it took us a while to settle down but we kept trying to pass well and eventually were rewarded with a goal.  From then on the game was never in any doubt and with out hotshot striker we scored another 4 goals my nephew scored a hattrick.  It was the first time our opponents had failed to score in a match this season so it was thanks to the kids who played in defence and goal for keeping a clean sheet.

My To Do List is coming on nicely, I spent some time yesterday working on it as well as putting in a four mile run in Victoria Park. The paths there are smooth and flat so provide a good running surface.  Again today after the football I completed some more tasks and started some others.  I am not putting any pressure on myself to complete all as long as I have done most.  It's enabled me to get a lot of those jobs I find difficult done.  So it may be worth trying it again next week.  The tasks I have done I have put in red font.

Tasks to do Over this Weekend 3/4 Feb 07 in no particular order.
Pop to Tesco get some cat food and washing up liquid and washing powder. - Done
mop floors. - Done
dust surfaces downstairs.- Done
do ironing. - Done
wipe over couch and chair. - Done
clean windows inside. - done some - a few to do
clean lower windows outside.
clean porch - Done
clean car in and out.
clean kitchen - thoroughly. - started
clean mini conservatory.
hoover bedroom and dust. - done
go through clothes and bag up any not used for clothes bank. - Done
put bed sheets and duvet covers in wash. - Done
clean out and tidy spare bed room and hoover. - Started
start on clearing out box room. - Started
Clear and bag up garden waste.
Sort out paperwork for endowment claim.
open and sort out mail unopened.

The kids under 11 training went smoothly last night and the rest of the evening was pretty uneventful. Just watched a bit of TV. Still feel my mood is a bit low for some reason unknown. My medication is up to date, so it can't be that.

It's a lovely February morning today, the sky is blue and the air has a touch of spring about it, it's very mild for the time of year and the wind is only light. The green stems of crocuses and daffodils can be seen sprouting from the ground ready to flower. I really need to start doing something about my garden. At the end of the Autumn when I should have mowed the lawn and tidied up the garden I was feeling really depressed and at times like that I find it hard, no impossible to do anything. Sometimes I haven't mowed the lawn because I just couldn't be bothered to get the mower out of the garage. I keep thinking I should take the small lawn up at the front and replace it with some sort of small stone surface and use it as a sitting area with a bench of some sort with a small border of plants and some pots and tubs scattered around. That would probably be better than the grass because it's prone to moss as the privet hedge blocks the sun quite a bit and I don't want to cut the hedge lower as it provides a bit of privacy.

There are a number of jobs that needs doing around the house that I really need to sort out but I just keep putting them off saying that I'll do that another time. I still need to complete the paperwork for my endowment shortfall claim that was sent to me before christmas I keep meaning to do it but never get around to it. I probably need to make a To Do list. So okay lets have a go as a trial and see how I get on. Some of the items are relatively short in time they're expected to take whilst other will take a bit longer. I will tick them off when completed. As well as doing the kids football I will also need to keep up with my running. A number of items I should be able to tick off this evening. I am going to print out this list so I stick to the task.

Tasks to do Over this Weekend 3/4 Feb 07 in no particular order.
Pop to Tesco get some cat food and washing up liquid and washing powder.
mop floors.
dust surfaces downstairs.
do ironing.
wipe over couch and chair.
clean windows inside.
clean lower windows outside.
clean porch
clean car in and out.
clean kitchen - thoroughly.
clean mini conservatory.
hoover bedroom and dust.
go through clothes and bag up any not used for clothes bank.
put bed sheets and duvet covers in wash.
clean out and tidy spare bed room and hoover.
start on clearing out box room.
Clear and bag up garden waste.
Sort out paperwork for endowment claim.
open and sort out mail unopened.

Other Tasks
Look into changes for front garden
Sort out rendering
Sort out roof and facia boards
Sort out consevatory roof.
Sort out fall claim.
Bag up and sort footy subs.
make phone call to insurance.
Shop for a new freezer
Shop for a new washing machine
Shop for a new oven

It's now 11:24 and I have decided as it's such a nice afternoon I will finish in an hour and pop to Tesco, then go for a run and then get cracking with the infamous list.

In at 07:45 this morning. Started off feeling really tired at my desk even the two cups of coffee don't seem to be taking effect yet. My neck, back and shoulders are still causing me pain I can only put it down to some form of generalised anxiety. There isn't anything in particular that's worrying or stressing me out except not having enough to do at work. It's strange how it always seems to be the trivial things that can effect me.

It turned out that some people came in yesterday when we were meant to be on strike. I know it's personal choice but on the other hand I just feel a bit annoyed with them. I forwent a days pay and I didn't want to strike but in any democracy you have a vote and you go with the majority, otherwise what's the point. The people who crossed the picket line would be the first to moan about the low pay etc. Anyway I had quite a nice fruitful day yesterday so I've got to look to the positives.

My weight loss attempt is also doing my head in this morning and my hunger pangs are yelling at me. But if I am going to get under 8 stone I have to remain strong. I don't plan to run tonight as after yesterdays long trail run my legs are feeling a little heavy. My thinking behind my wanting to loose weight is obviously the lighter I am the faster times I can do. My ideal middle of the range weight is 7 1/2 stone so that's the weight I want if not a bit lower. I tend to carry any extra weight on my boobs and stomach so any fat loss will be in those areas hopefully as other parts of my body don't really have any excess fat. Two pounds a week seems a realistic reduction. I also seem to have abandoned the herbal tea today I feel the need for coffee.

It's the kids footy training tonight before the next match on Saturday. One of the boys is away on a school trip which is a bit of a relief really because it means I don't have to leave anyone out due to having too many players. It is something that worries me as I hate any confrontation. Some parents are fine about it whilst other expect their child to be playing every week and always to be on the first eleven. The kids on the other hand are great and make it all worthwhile. I'm sure there's a footy club committee meeting due soon but frankly I dont want to attend for a number of reasons. Firstly, I the meeting is at eight and I don't like being out too late. Secondly the chairperson of the club I don't get on with, over the almost 20 years I have been at the club he has been so bitchy and acused me of all sorts, causing no end of trouble and distress to me. Even last week he made a negative comment to a parent who reported it back to me, thankfully the parent in question was wise about it as in the past he himself has had run ins. Everything I have ever done he has put down and it must really pain him when my team does well. In the past he has made attempts to get rid of me, even citing me in one of his fictious resignation letters as the main reason. I think now most of the others see him for what he is but that has not always be the case in the past. I don't really know why he is like this with me and seems to hate me so much I have never given him cause to. I have challenged him but unfortunately he always denies everything. At times I think it must be because I am a woman and he thinks women should stay in the kitchen. So my fear is that if I attend meetings he will as he has done in the past publically humilate me and I don't want to put myself in that position. Thirdly, I have spent years trying to move the club forward but found I was banging my head against a brickwall I just need to accept that they don't want change and just focus on the kids.

Wherever I go I seem to meet these types of people at work I have had a string of bad experiences, one of which lead to six months sick leave due to stress and depression. Years on I am still on medication, I have been to stress management, pyschiatry and psychological counselling. But still I feel that people dislike me, the strength of the feeling can depend on whether I am depressed and the depth. My self-esteem is very fragile and at sometimes rock bottom.

But hey ho tomorrow is Friday.