In at 07:45 this morning. Started off feeling really tired at my desk even the two cups of coffee don't seem to be taking effect yet. My neck, back and shoulders are still causing me pain I can only put it down to some form of generalised anxiety. There isn't anything in particular that's worrying or stressing me out except not having enough to do at work. It's strange how it always seems to be the trivial things that can effect me.

It turned out that some people came in yesterday when we were meant to be on strike. I know it's personal choice but on the other hand I just feel a bit annoyed with them. I forwent a days pay and I didn't want to strike but in any democracy you have a vote and you go with the majority, otherwise what's the point. The people who crossed the picket line would be the first to moan about the low pay etc. Anyway I had quite a nice fruitful day yesterday so I've got to look to the positives.

My weight loss attempt is also doing my head in this morning and my hunger pangs are yelling at me. But if I am going to get under 8 stone I have to remain strong. I don't plan to run tonight as after yesterdays long trail run my legs are feeling a little heavy. My thinking behind my wanting to loose weight is obviously the lighter I am the faster times I can do. My ideal middle of the range weight is 7 1/2 stone so that's the weight I want if not a bit lower. I tend to carry any extra weight on my boobs and stomach so any fat loss will be in those areas hopefully as other parts of my body don't really have any excess fat. Two pounds a week seems a realistic reduction. I also seem to have abandoned the herbal tea today I feel the need for coffee.

It's the kids footy training tonight before the next match on Saturday. One of the boys is away on a school trip which is a bit of a relief really because it means I don't have to leave anyone out due to having too many players. It is something that worries me as I hate any confrontation. Some parents are fine about it whilst other expect their child to be playing every week and always to be on the first eleven. The kids on the other hand are great and make it all worthwhile. I'm sure there's a footy club committee meeting due soon but frankly I dont want to attend for a number of reasons. Firstly, I the meeting is at eight and I don't like being out too late. Secondly the chairperson of the club I don't get on with, over the almost 20 years I have been at the club he has been so bitchy and acused me of all sorts, causing no end of trouble and distress to me. Even last week he made a negative comment to a parent who reported it back to me, thankfully the parent in question was wise about it as in the past he himself has had run ins. Everything I have ever done he has put down and it must really pain him when my team does well. In the past he has made attempts to get rid of me, even citing me in one of his fictious resignation letters as the main reason. I think now most of the others see him for what he is but that has not always be the case in the past. I don't really know why he is like this with me and seems to hate me so much I have never given him cause to. I have challenged him but unfortunately he always denies everything. At times I think it must be because I am a woman and he thinks women should stay in the kitchen. So my fear is that if I attend meetings he will as he has done in the past publically humilate me and I don't want to put myself in that position. Thirdly, I have spent years trying to move the club forward but found I was banging my head against a brickwall I just need to accept that they don't want change and just focus on the kids.

Wherever I go I seem to meet these types of people at work I have had a string of bad experiences, one of which lead to six months sick leave due to stress and depression. Years on I am still on medication, I have been to stress management, pyschiatry and psychological counselling. But still I feel that people dislike me, the strength of the feeling can depend on whether I am depressed and the depth. My self-esteem is very fragile and at sometimes rock bottom.

But hey ho tomorrow is Friday.